Personae Non Gratae
Q. Ok so I have another un-invited guest related question. Now during the course of a year my boyfriend and i host a myriad of parties, barbecues, and gatherings in general. For the most part, so long as we can physically accommodate, our philosophy is the more the merrier. However there is this one couple who due to a multitude of social failures (including last year calling me “chubby” to my face in my own house no less!) we have removed from our guest list. Now they still manage to show up, usually with a few extra folks in tow and rarely contribute. I also pride myself on having good manners and class. What is the most graceful way of saying get the fuck out of my house and never come back you no good mooching sons of bitches?
A. I was planning to move on to another “hapless during the holidays” topic, but I just can’t resist a question with such focused rage and contempt.
You know what’s a really classy way of communicating? Greeting cards. Unfortunately, to the best of my knowledge, the banishment category doesn’t exist — yet. But there are ways around that. Head to the “invitation” section of your local stationary store and pick out the most well designed “you’re invited!” card you can find. After purchasing, take either a red pen or black Sharpie and insert the “un-” prefix into its new home. On the inside, write out the following:
Your absence is cordially requested from
All parties hosted by
Mr. X and Ms. Y
Now and forever
At their apartment
No need to RSVPThey look forward to not seeing you there
Don’t think about it as an excommunication, think of it as an opportunity for these horrible people to go forth and form their own horrible community. Like Roger Williams.
Recent comments