If You See Something, Say Something. Politely.
Q. I hate it when it’s crowded on the subway and there are these jerks that in the process of reading their book, are taking up the space of three people. And what about those a-holes who lean against the poles? I never know what to say to them. How am I supposed to tell them off politely?
-Jenna
A. Given the recent subway stabbing incident, I can’t in good conscience tell you to confront them aggressively, so instead, I suggest you kill them with kindness (too soon?).
This may sound crazy, but have you tried saying “excuse me, please” with a smile, sincerity and genuine warmth? A condescending tone is usually the default mode during these situations, but that will only get you a swift elbow to the back of the head. New Yorkers are usually so caught off guard by genuine cordiality that they’ll acquiesce to your request out of sheer bewilderment.
Should the self-centered straphangers refuse to make room, don’t sweat it. Find another place to stand, or something else to grab (preferably not the book reader/pole person’s neck). Clearly this kind of thing gets under your skin, but it is not worth escalating a mild inconvenience into an unfortunate incident. Just count to ten and ask yourself “What Would Wesley Autrey Do?”
Safe travels,
yours truly
P.S. The usual venom and vitriol will return in the next post. Promise.
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