Killing Me Softly
Q. I am starting to feel guilty about how rarely I check out my friends’ band. I had a life-changing realization at age 22 that I don’t like going to see live music, unless it’s Lady Gaga or a special-effects oriented act. (I’m a visual person/have noise sensitivity from undiagnosed autism.) I go to their gigs every once in a while, because I want to be supportive and they come to my annoying shit sometimes, but I get the feeling I have been demoted to a “bad friend list” because I’m not waving my iPhone lighter app at their shows every week. What do I do?
A. Stop feeling things. Emotions only get in the way.
Treat your friends’ band like a needy child (which, I suppose, is every child). They’ll require lots of coddling early on and you’ll find yourself muttering “yes, I see you,” “good job,” “that’s nice dear,” or some such variation rather frequently. In time they’ll become self-sufficient and will forget you knew them way back when. The best way to apply this slightly negligent parenting technique to your situation is to attend several of their shows early on, shower them with praise, and taper off once they’ve established themselves.
If your wallet starts to thin out before their big break, try the equally useful parenting method of lying. Update your facebook and/or twitter status to say that you’re at their concert. Send them a text message the next morning apologizing for having to rush out right after their set but tell them how much you liked that one song of theirs. They’ll never know you weren’t in the audience.
You can also show your support in other ways. Buy some merchandise, legally download their music, forward show invites to a more appreciative audience, or subtly work them into polite conversation (It’s okay to name drop; Robert De Niro told me that).
Just remember you’re a friend not a groupie. No one should seriously expect you to attend all of their shows without a little something in return.
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