Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass
Q. Would you ever date a girl who has one ear that is substantially larger than the other?
A. Well no, I don’t date girls, period, in case that wasn’t already clear. And even if I did, I’m vain, so no, probably not. However, if you’ve found this lopsided lady to have a certain je ne sais quoi that rivals her asymmetry, don’t let my shunning of this social pariah hold you back.
If after a few dates your eyes continue to wander to the sides of her head, then it’s time to pull the classic “buying her a gift that’s really meant for you” card. I’m thinking a set of mismatched earrings, like those rocked by Aretha back in the awesome 80s. One earring will be a smaller, comparatively conservative piece meant for the larger ear, and the other will be a flashier, dangly earring for the proportionally proper side. You’ll get the balancing act you’re after, and she’ll think you’ve an eye for the retro chic look that is alleged to be so hot right now. She’s also apt to see through your ploy, which can beget a whole new set of issues, but in terms of your problem with her ears, my job is done.
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