Quarter-Life Crisis
Q. Dear YLMT, I am a 25-year-old male who is quickly realizing that he is no spring chicken anymore. How much longer can I wear skinny jeans? Can I still stay out until 4 am and wander home inebriated? Is it true that you are only as young as you feel, or am I doomed to die an eccentric he-spinster with a cat?
-Hesitant Hipster
A. Sorry, but what’s the problem here? At 25 fucking years old, you’re not getting too long in the tooth to throw on a pair of skinny jeans. You can wear them as long as it remains socially acceptable, and more importantly, appropriate for your body type. If I can read your credit card number through your back pocket, then it might be time to consider something that doesn’t act as a second skin.
As for your 4 a.m. exits, next time you’re stumbling out the door, take a look around. Once your eyes have focused, you’ll see a fair amount of people a few years older doing the same thing. Besides, what’s closing time when there are after hours? Sunrise is the new last call.
If you’d rather wear high-waisted, wide leg trousers and be in bed by 8, well then bully for you “old man.” Enjoy your early-bird special, I’ll be going to bed.
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