Your Life, My Thoughts

One Person’s Casual Encounter Is Another’s Missed Connection

Q. A few weeks ago, I hooked up with a guy I met on Craigslist (sounds sketchy, I know, but I’ve done this a couple times before with no problems). And though we made it clear from the start that this was a no strings attached deal, he’s been emailing ever since, asking to get together again, go out on a real date, etc. (I made the mistake of not using a fake email, giving him my personal one instead). I’ve told him I’m not interested, but the emails keep coming. So… how do I shake him off? And what’s the tactful way to handle this if I run into him at a bar or something?

A. Sick of Notoriously_BIG@yahoo.com filling up your inbox (hiyoo!)? You’re in luck. Most email services will let you block specific senders or filter them directly into your archives. Once he has sent you half a dozen unanswered messages, he’ll get the message. 

Should you see him out and about, treat him with “guarded civility and thinly veiled skepticism,” (a la Oprah interviewing Palin) as you don’t want to lead him on and exacerbate the situation. 

Going forward, set up a CL-only email account.  And when you’ve set up the secondary account, please make sure to log out of it if you’re using someone else’s computer. It’s really not the kind of discovery that others want to come across; believe me, i’ve been on the receiving end of it. There are just some emails you can’t unsee, no matter how much you wish you could. 

Mother’s Nature

Q. Should I be worried that my mom posted this on her Facebook wall?

(OK Go - This Too Shall Pass)

-Miriam

A. No, you needn’t be worried.  It’s only natural for the olds to want to recapture the vibrancy of their salad days by appropriating the trends of the youth culture. In 2009, Fb’s fastest growing demo was persons over 55. Second to that were pets.  So long as she’s not posting this crap on your wall, or questioning your taste in facebook friends, there’s no reason for concern. Be happy mama’s sticking to memes and social networking, and not coke and short skirts. 

If you really feel the need to fret over something, you should worry about her taste in music. I mean OK Go? Really?

Alone Together

Q. My girlfriend hates when I use my laptop while we’re watching TV. She thinks “we’re not spending time together” if we’re reading/watching different things. 

Is it OK to read while we’re sitting together on the couch, or is the second screen coming between us?
—Norm D. Plume

A. When I first saw this commercial promoting a cable service that lets you surf Facebook on your TV, I wondered aloud, “why the hell would anyone want to do that?”  Well, lo these many months later, I finally have an answer. 

You and your special lady friend are the target demo for this otherwise asinine product.  She can watch American Idol, and you can tweet about how bad Tim Urban is, all on the same screen!

If you’d rather not save your relationship upgrade your digital cable, you can always tell the gf that the two of you are so in sync, that no words need to be spoken to express your undying love for each other. If she’s watching that much TV, she’s bound to have been brainwashed into thinking that guys are commitment phobic, and should accept such drivel as manna from heaven.  If she sees through that ploy, then you’ll have to reserve laptop time for commercial breaks, the news, and all CBS shows.

Love, peace, and hair grease,

yours truly

A desk jockey and a receptionist?  I only take real questions lady, not season one plot lines from The Office.  But who am I kidding, I’m new at this so I’ll take any query I can get. 

Moving on. You both work at the same company and you know his first name? Honestly, that’s enough material to track down his social security number. (Seriously, I’ve worked in HR). Short of that, you should be able to find his Facebook page, or at least a stagnant Friendster profile.  

While online stalking isn’t the healthiest first step toward a relationship, per se, it is a useful tool that lets you skip some of the awkwardness of face-to-face small talk. To quote the classic soul/funk track Computer Love by Zapp - “I no longer need astrology / thanks to modern technology.” Avail yourself of such resources and you’ll be in a good position to work your way up to an office hook-up. 

Yes, office hook-ups are acceptable (so long as neither party is a direct subordinate of the other).  

Worst case scenario: you go on a date, realize you have no spark, things are awkward at the office for a bit, and before long everyone’s forgotten about it.  Though not the ideal conclusion, you will have reached a resolution.  

Best case scenario: you use the confidence you’ve gained from your online rapport to tactfully invite him (in person) to join you at an off-site work event or a happy hour. It goes well, you start pairing off, and soon those office bitches will be jealous you’re dating Pam the hot receptionist.  Win-win either way.