Your Life, My Thoughts

Escape from L.A.

Q. When do you know it’s a good time to pack it up and take it home? I hate my job, my relationship will never be anything serious, and the place I am living is hell and I don’t have it in me to sign on to another year in this place. I am considering doing a sublet for the rest of the summer, but then again can I last another LA summer?
  
A. You’ll know that it’s time to move on when you feel that you’ve exhausted every LA storyline there is, and the next season of your life can be relocated to a place with a cheaper overhead and tax incentives. 

It sounds like you really may be at that point, but I’d suggest spending the rest of the summer as a last-ditch effort to try and address these issues, before throwing in the towel. At the very least, you can spend that time getting a really nice tan. (The subsequent sunspots and non-malignant moles will serve as a permanent reminder of your days in California. Yay memories!)

Let’s start with one of the easier problems to remedy — your housing situation. In addition to looking for a sublet, there’s also the option of finding a place that operates on a month-to-month basis. Should you stick around beyond Labor Day, you won’t have to worry about moving again, which is an inherent annoyance with sublets. 

If the thrill is gone in your current relationship, stop wasting your time. No need to be weighed down by that anchor when you can spend your time looking for a more satisfactory seasonal fling.

As for that job thing, if you’re serious about breaking up with LA, quit your job and find something menial that can finance your “summratime” of fun. If you’re going to stay in town, then there are a myriad of job boards to visit, connections to work, alumni to guilt, and potential bosses to sleep with that can put you on a better career path. 

So to summarize - Take action, cut the dead weight, and print some resumes. Or, to paraphrase one Ms. Ashley Simpson, “Hollywood may suck you in, but it won’t spit you out.” (This coming from a girl who got plastic surgery a year after this song was released, but it’s still a nice sentiment).
 

Get Up, Get Out, And Get Some

Q. I am a 29-year-old gay man. I came out a year ago but am not having as much luck as I hoped I would in the gay world. Some friends have suggested that my appearance and lifestyle may be to blame. Having been “straight” for so long, the majority of my social crew consists of alpha males and party girls. I dress in a pretty masculine manor and am not the least bit effeminate. Are these things causing the problems in my romantic life?

A. A sloppy, schlumpy appearance isn’t going to win you any friends, so if you can fit a family of four in your soiled sweater and the hem of your Jnco jeans is frayed beyond recognition, then yes, it might be time for a “fagmalion” makeover.

But having said that, maintaining your (aesthetically upgraded) masculine demeanor isn’t necessarily the biggest hindrance to your love life. Keep at this gay thing and you’ll find that some guys find the hyper-masculine deportment (variations of which include homo thugs and banjee realness) attractive. 

What’s keeping you from making advancements in the romance department is exclusively hanging out with breeders at straight bars. The chances of you meeting someone there are slim, and it won’t facilitate the kind of favorable encounters and improvement in self confidence that you’re after.

Hit up a gay bar or 12 with a friend (be they homo or hetero), visit some online dating sites, or try out for the gay volleyball team. Take the initiative and approach a stranger. Not everyone will want to be your friend or go on a date with you, but rejection will lead to thicker skin and a more resilient attitude. If you’d prefer a more neutral setting to start this endeavor, might I suggest hitting up your local cineplex lobby the weekend of May 27? It’s a guaranteed gay mecca.