Your Life, My Thoughts

Xmas with Future Ex-coworkers

Q. Since my supervisor let me use her season tickets for the Eagles last week, I’m officially obligated to get her a gift. Ditto for her colleague, who’s paying for me to come to the holiday luncheon. And as long as I’m faking generosity, I should probably acknowledge the two part-timers in the office too. But I’m a broke grad student, so it’s gotta be on the cheap. FWIW, they’re all women, and all but my 40-ish boss are a step away from (re)retirement.

Grinch-turned-gift-giver

A. Know what I got for Christmas from a coworker this year?  Baked goods. Do you know what I’m advised to no longer eat?  Gluten and dairy. 

 But that’s totally fine. I don’t expect to get world-class gifts from coworkers. No working-class stiff should; certainly not from a grad student.  As long as the recipient can easily pawn it off on someone else, the present itself doesn’t matter. It’s the thought that counts. It’s an honor just to be nominated. I can’t believe it’s not butter. 

With that burden lifted, you can skip over to your nearest strip mall and pick one of the following holiday-themed gifts with your head held high:

1. A holiday sweater from the “returned” aisle at from TJ Maxx 
2. Fruitcake!
3. A VHS copy of Behind the Music: Stevie Nicks  (let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!)
4. A label maker (the gift that keeps on giving)
5. Alvin and the Chipmunks’ “Christmas Don’t Be Late” on vinyl  
6. A hula hoop
7. Old christmas cards repurposed as christmas postcards (hint: cut off the second page)
8. Flu shots
9. Coupons for snow tires
10. Any and everything from the seasonal aisle at the dollar store

P.S. You should really get your supervisor some booze. She’ll need it when the Eagles are in the playoffs. 

Losing the Keys to the Kingdom

Q. I just started a new job and I lost the keys to the office! I threw them in my bag when I left one night last week, and now they are gone… totally vanished! I’m scared to tell my boss since I just started, and she will obvi think I’m irresponsible. Help!

A. Well she’ll think you’re irresponsible because you are irresponsible.* But fret not, there are ways to remedy the situation.  Start off by befriending an equally irresponsible coworker (chances are if your new company hired someone like you in the midst of this buyers market, the office is bursting at the seams with Mr. Magoos and Amelia Bedelias).  Your equally forgetful friend will be less likely to judge you when you ask to copy their keys during your lunch break.  If you’re compelled to make up an excuse for borrowing the keys, you could say you left your set at home, plan to work late today and want to be able to lock up when you leave.

If no one else has any keys or they’re the kind that can’t be copied without the master set, you can either earn a reputation of being the staffer that’s always late and always leaves early (bad idea), or you can confess (better idea). Tell your boss you’ve misplaced the keys, but can have a new set made in the time that it takes to get her an extra hot venti half-caf no whip nonfat soy pumpkin spice latte.  You’ll be saving face and saving your boss unnecessary calories at the same time.

*My apologies for calling you irresponsible earlier; the act alone doesn’t define the person. Just don’t go applying to replace Saint Peter anytime soon.