No Gag Gifts, No Gift Cards, And Nothing That He’s Supposed To Love Because It’s Charitable
Q. Dear YLMT,
How does one figure out what level of gift to get a fairly recent but fairly serious boyfriend at Christmas?
Sincerely,
Terrified
A. Are you asking from which level at the mall to get your gift? There’s usually a map by the entrance for that.
Sorry. Making fun of your phrasing is a gift I give to myself (one that is of the highest order), but is of little use to you. Does it really matter from which echelon you choose? To paraphrase the best show that you’re probably not watching: your boyfriend will love it, no matter what — as long as it’s perfect and shows how much you care about him. No added pressure, or anything.
The best way to achieve that is to pick something personal and sentimental within your budget. So sentimental he’ll be forced to throw it out when should you break up, lest he become awash in memories of you every time he comes across it. As long as you shy away from the kind of gifts you get from distant relatives (cold and impersonal, yet freakishly difficult to return) you’ll be fine. Otherwise, he might as well be kissing his cousin.
During the vague amount of time that you and your boyfriend have become vaguely serious, he’s probably talked about himself quite a bit and you’ve probably snooped quite a bit. You may even still be in that phase where you partake in some of his hobbies that you couldn’t care less about just because he’s into it. Take your gift inspiration from these areas.
Perhaps he has told fond stories of childhood visits to his grandfather’s tile factory before it went under. Place a few calls to the local historical society and they may be able to dig up some archival photos of the place. Have a copy framed. Then bring him to tears by having the company’s logo printed on one side of a mug, and a photo of your beau and his grandfather on the other side. Screen print the logo on a t-shirt and place it in the mug. Frame, reprint and customized swag: $75. Seeing a grown man cry: priceless.
Then again, if you find such tearful displays to be a bit too maudlin for your tastes, there are alternatives. Replacements are always a safe and effective route. A new pair of bicycle tires, quill and inkwell set, surfing gear, crack vials, what have you. A bit practical, sure, but it’s still personal and shows you’re paying attention to his (bland) interests.
Besides, what’s the worst that could happen? He’s not going to dump you on Christmas. That’s what Boxing Day is for.
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